I previously talked about my 5 Design Rules to Live By, drawn from the design mind-sets from Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans. Today, I would like to talk about Rule 3 – reframing (and I promise that it will be much shorter than Rule 2).

What is reframing?

Try doing this really quick exercise. Find a spot that you are fairly familiar with. Now physically rearrange yourself so that you are looking at that familiar place from a completely different angle. Do you usually sit in the same chair in a room? Move to a different chair, or stand in a corner, or sit on the ground. When you look around, it probably feels a little different. You might notice things you didn’t before, or haven’t for a while. You just physically reframed yourself and were able to see something from a new perspective. Reframing a problem is doing just that.

One of the biggest causes of inaction and anxiety is our brain’s ability to get stuck on the negative. When bad things happen, it’s easy to get absorbed in why it’s the worst thing to ever happen to you and how you have no idea to bounce back.

Not only can practicing reframing our negativity help us feel happier, but it helps us build resilience against negative experiences in general. That’s not to say that we’ll never feel sad or upset or lost, but by practicing reframing now we will be able to build the skills we need to not drown from what is trying to drag us down.

We might not even realize we’re stuck in the negative. We might be looking at a problem, set on finding a solution and taking action, but feel totally stuck. In Designing Your Life, they give these tricky problems names: gravity problems, and anchor problems. A gravity problem is a problem that you have absolutely no way to take action against (like trying to change gravity), and an anchor problem is one in which you could possibly take action against that problem but the time and energy it would take would be much better spent elsewhere (like dragging an anchor while you attempt to sail a ship).

When you find yourself stuck on a problem, it is usually because it falls into one of these two categories. Engineers should not linger on that which is not actionable. Instead, we should reframe the problem we are facing to one of action.

Reframing helps us recognize and move past our own biases that shape our thoughts. It helps us realize what we can’t change, and what we can. It helps give us the confidence and encouragement that we need to take the action we need.

Ok, but how do I do that?

This ties into the discussion around being curious. To reframe, we often have to ask ourselves what it is about this problem that we cannot take action on, or why we are upset by something that happened earlier in the day.

We need to recognize that we might not be able to control our emotional response, but we CAN control our thoughts. In this post on reframing, the author discusses the principles behind its usefulness.

1. We assign meaning to the situations we face. This is how one event might be seen as a positive to one person and negative to another. Our brain tries to give everything meaning so that we can decide how to react.
2. Every thought has a frame of mind behind it. What are your biases and assumptions leading you to immediately think that way?
3. There is a good intention behind every negative thought. Your brain is only trying to help you! It’s just not doing a great job.

Many places I looked at offered very similar sets of advice on how to get started with reframing your problems. They can all be broken down into these catergories:

• Identify, and then put aside, your assumptions. Limiting your frame of mind by sticking to only what you assume is what got you stuck in the first place, so put them aside the best you can. Allow yourself to look at what would previously have been “good” and “bad” and hold them in equal regard.
• Rethink your question and brainstorm the situation. Ask yourself, have I identified all the problems here? How many more could I come up with? Have I thought of every possible angle? Did I fall in love with the first idea and was intent on making it work?
• Invite input from others. Diverse perspectives equals diverse ideas.
• Once you’ve identified other questions to tackle, ask yourself if the problems are actionable. If it isn’t, can you break it down further? Do you need to step back and look at a different problem? Do you just need to let some problems go?

How has it helped me?

This one has probably helped pull me out of the most anxiety spirals. At first it wasn’t easy, but I find the more I focus on it, the more I don’t have to force it when something negative hits me.

Fear used to be paralyzing. I wanted to leave my job, but what if the next job I took was worse? What if I was terrible at it?

Reframe the problem! If I fight for my next assignment, I am increasing my chances of pulling myself out of a situation I’m unhappy with and getting into one that I am.

If my next job isn’t what I want, I control my ability to take action until I find one I DO want.

When I decided to pursue a master’s degree on top of working full time, I didn’t let myself get stuck on, “This is piling a lot on my plate. I might fail.”

I immediately went with, “If it feels like I’ve taken on too much, I will not be afraid to explore all of my options again and do what I need to succeed AND be happy. But it might not be too much at all, and I won’t know until I do it.”

This ties back into the discussion around Rule 2, having a bias to action. You can plan and plan but eventually you just need to do it and realize that you can always adjust as you go.

What is an area you’re stuck on that you could use reframing to address? Have you used it in the past to help you? I’d love to hear your thoughts!